well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
