just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
