He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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