i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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