so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
