we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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