I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
