look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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