FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
