Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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