CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
