I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
In America we eat man semen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize