Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
