and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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