Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
