There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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