Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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