yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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