Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
