Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
