Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
