2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
