How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
