I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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