if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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