i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize