he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
