she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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