he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
