Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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