she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
