I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
