I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
