And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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