So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
