It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
