i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
