I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
