She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize