I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
BRING THE BAGELS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drunk is not a location!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
