It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
