I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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