Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize