Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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