I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
