god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
