I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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