I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
