can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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