i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize