I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
