Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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