my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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