I am in a vortex of obligation.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
