i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize