I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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