Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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