so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
