please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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