Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
