Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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