he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
