dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
