i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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