he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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