You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
