i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We just shotgunned beers for America
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
