i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
