Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize