you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
