Quick, to the slutcave!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
