Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
