apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
