mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize