Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
