I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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