remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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