i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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