if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
