apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
