how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
