Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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