paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
