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• (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is

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• (818): View more from California

  Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's thinking positively..

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• (772): View more from Florida

  Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.

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