Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
