I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
MIDGETS
????
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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