Only a mothe r could love this liver
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
