dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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