I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
