oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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