Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
