New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize