yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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