he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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