I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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