I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
