I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize