She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
