I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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