Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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