You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
