found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
