I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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