Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
