Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
