I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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